Nursery

Is it the right place for a child like Billie?

Billie was born at the very end of 2019 (and I mean the very end, she’s a New Years Eve baby) so she wasn’t even 3 months old when Covid hit and we were all put into the first lockdown. Now I know that Covid really brought some tragic situations to many families around the world and I count myself very lucky that I didn’t loose anyone close to me but it did still affect my family. The first and second lockdown both happened during Billies first year of life and I do believe it had a huge impact on her. So much so, when she first began to show autistic traits, I just thought it was because she had been so sheltered from the world. She didn’t see anyone except for her dad and myself. She didn’t know that other people existed or that there was other places other than our house. Although 99% of Billies lack of social skills are because she has autism, I do believe that the lockdowns have had an impact on her.

When Billie was around 15 months old and the second lockdown had been and gone, I began to take her to a playgroup that was held in a village hall in a local village. I didn’t really know how Billie would react in this environment and she had never been to a place like this before. A place that wasn’t huge in space, had lots of other people in there including other children, lots of noise and toys that she didn’t recognise, a place where she had never visited before and a place where she had potential to stand out. If I’m being honest, I think I was more nervous than Billie. By this time, her traits were pretty obvious and Billies differences to other children were noticeable even to people who didn’t know her. She stood out like a sore thumb! I’m not sure if I was more nervous about people noticing her differences or the unknown of how she would react. But do you know what….. she absolutely loved it and if people did notice Billie acting differently to all the other kids, nobody ever let on. Everyone was so kind and welcoming and I am so glad we went! We went to that playgroup right up until it was time to leave for Cyprus in July.

It was agreed with the health visitor in Cyprus after the first meet and greet that it would benefit Billie to get her into Early Years as soon as possible. Knowing how she reacted to the playgroup, I did think she would be ok but nursery- well that’s totally different isn’t it. There are more kids without their parents, it’s a lot more noisy, new surrounding, busy, structure and the biggest worry…. I wouldn’t be there!! Alex and I knew that it definitely was the best thing for Billie but I felt so overwhelmed with the thought of it. The not knowing how she would react and the overbearing guilt that I would just be leaving her in a strange place with strange people who didn’t know her. They didn’t know her quirks, what to do if she got upset or stressed, what Billies little ways to communicate meant… was I doing the right thing? Would it benefit Billie or would it freak her out to the point that she would never settle without me again? I suppose there was only one way to find out ….

We enrolled Billie into the nursery that is on the camp where Alex worked and we lived. We had heard amazing things about the place so we knew that it was high achieving. We had to fill in a booklet that had lots of information about Billie- her like, dislikes, personal information and of course- does she have any special educational needs. Of course, she wasn’t diagnosed then so we couldn’t put that she does have ASD but we did explain she undergoing tests. She  started in the September. We dropped her off for a short taster session and of course, I cried like a baby! Billie however didn’t even notice we had left her. She was in her element! She loved that she was in a new environment that she got to explore for the first time. She does love to explore! Some people say curious, I say nosey! We picked her up two hours later and she was buzzing!!! She really enjoyed it!! I got pulled by one of teachers who asked me a couple of questions- “Does she say any words”? “Does she always walk on her tiptoes”? I obviously told her that we were getting her tested and she just looked at me very relived and said- “oh that’s great! You wouldn’t believe how often we have to have an awkward conversation with parents about this type of thing”. It then dawned on me that Billie was certainly not the first, nor will she be the last autistic child to attend the setting. I automatically felt more relaxed.

The following week she started Tuesday and Thursdays for 3 hours a day. At first she loved it but soon after, doubts started to set in. She started to get really upset when I was dropping her off, sometimes just pulling into the car park would trigger her. Then when I was collecting her, it became the norm that she would be upset and a teacher would be cuddling her. A couple of times, I got a phone call saying she was distressed and I should collect her early. This felt like a huge step back. She was enjoying it so much at first, what had changed?

The staff who work at Billies nursery are incredible! Always have been. They are so understanding and accepting of Billie and her additional needs. After a discussion with one of the managers, we decided to cut Billies hours to two hours a day but 3 days a week and we made the extra day a day that is quieter than the others. She just wasn’t getting anything out of that last hour and what would be the point in sending her if it was causing more harm than good? The whole point of sending Billie was so she could improve her social skills, get used to some structure, be around other people that she doesn’t see every day and just include her in normal activities for young people. Being at Early Years also meant that she was getting attention she needed from trained adults that knew how to educate a child with autism and had experience with it. Let’s be honest, I didn’t and still don’t have a clue!! I’m literally learning as I go each day and hoping I’m doing right by Billie.

When we first changed Billies hours I felt as though it was a huge step back and I felt disappointed. Again I questioned if what we was doing was right for Billie and I was so close on just pulling her out of nursery and have her with me all of the time. But, I knew deep down it was right for Billie. She has already come on leaps and bounds since she began at nursery, imagine what more she could accomplish if she felt that little more comfortable. After all, one day she is going to have to go to school and I don’t want it to be such a shock to Billie and the transition be even harder…. and thank god we kept her in! She has come on so much! She is a completely different child! She is comfortable around other children which she never used to be, she is learning new skills every single day, she has made some incredible bonds with the staff and she is happy! After all, isn’t that the only thing that we all want for our kids? Them to be happy, healthy and kind?

Billie soon reached the age where she would be moving to the older class however, after discussing it with nursery staff and health visitors, we decided she wasn’t ready for the transition and to keep her behind in the class she was already in. She was supposed to have moved in the January however we actually only decided to move her in the June following. We came to the conclusion after a lot of discussions with the SEN worker who felt it was time for Billie. I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t convinced. She was now so comfortable at nursery and was enjoying it again… I really didn’t want to rock the boat but I went with it (after some persuasion from my husband). We made the transition during the school holidays so it was quieter for Billie. We also did it very slowly over 3 weeks and would have extended the time if we needed to. In true Billie style, our girl made the transition and made it with ease! So easy in fact, she was in her new class for her full hours in two weeks, not three and yep, you guessed it… she is THRIVING! Why on earth did we ever keep her behind? Now we look at it, we think we were doing her more harm than good by not moving her when we should have done. Me and my husband have a very bad habit of sometimes underestimating our little Billie and we have no idea why. She loves her new class, teachers and she has even made friends. As the kids are older, they are more understanding of Billie and give her space if she needs it, don’t touch her and are much kinder about her not talking. Lesson learned- Billie is much more capable than we give her credit!

Putting Billie in nursery is the best thing that we have done for her so far and if your contemplating it for your little one, my advice would be DO IT! It is stressful, worrying & no matter what, you can never fully relax whilst they are there but when you go and collect them and they come running out with the biggest smile on their face, it is worth it. Just seeing them make bonds with staff & children is just the most lovely feeling and it it is comforting knowing that your child is loved and is lovable no matter what their challenges are in life. It is important to not expect to much from them however. Nursery and the transition for them starting nursery is huge and it can take time for them to feel safe and settled but just have patience. Does it hurt when you see all the other children have drawn pictures or made their parents gifts and your little one has been playing on their own all day? Of course it does but you learn that things like that don’t matter. When the teacher comes and tells you that your child approached another child or said a word or even ate their snack with the other children, that is what it’s all about. The pride and the joy you feel and share with the staff when your little one does something new no matter how big or small is a bond that is bigger than any picture.

Thank you for reading blog #4. I hope your all enjoying being a part of our journey and I hope you all feel as though I am talking for us all and you find comfort that you’re not alone! We are all in this together and if you take anything away from my blogs, it’s exactly that! You are not alone & I am always here if you want to chat about anything! Send me a DM on my Instagram @parentingautism1 or even just leave a comment on the blog. It’s a pleasure sharing Billies story with you all and I will continue to do so as long as people want to hear it. Let’s stand together in raising awareness for our littles. Our children have a superpower. Let’s embrace it together and show the world how incredible they really are.